The Twincess Diaries: The Dinner Review Edition

Dinner: Organic Kale, Sweet Mango and Baby Carrot Puree

4 out of 5 stars


“DELICIOUS!! I have NEVER, and I do mean never, tasted something so sweet, so rich, so divine as this exquisite baby food puree made lovingly by Incubator. Everything about it was pure perfection-the balance between sweet and savory, the smooth texture, the pleasing green and peach color palette, everything!”



Dinner: Fall Pumpkin, Golden Pear and Red Delicious Apple Puree

5 out of 5 stars


“Divinely inspired! This soft, sweet puree gently coated my budding teeth and easily squished around my gums. It had a pleasant feel and an airy Autumn fragrance that put me in mind of scarecrows (if I only knew what that meant), apple picking and crunchy leaves. The pale orange shade looked lovely mixed in with my strawberry blonde curls and gave my alabaster cheeks a perfect ruddy tint.”



Dinner: Kale, Sweet Mango and Baby Carrot Puree, Round Two

2 out of 5 stars


“Ugh, this again? It’ll do in a pinch I suppose, but I’d prefer something innovative and new, maybe something with a bit of a zip to it. Incubator made 7 jars of this boring meal so I guess I get to be disgusted for another solid week. Yawn.”



Dinner: Tropical Kiwi, Steamed Green Beans & Pear Puree

4 out of 5 stars


“Love, or at least strong like, at first taste! The fresh kiwi provides just the right amount of tang to balance the horror show that is these snapped and steamed green beans. In fact, I like this so much, I frequently stab Wombmate in the face with my plastic spoon in an attempt to distract her while I steal her serving.”



Dinner: Rosy Red Apple, Exotic Guava and Steamed Beet Puree

5 out of 5 stars


“YES!! A THOUSAND TIMES YES!! This is exactly the “zip” I spoke of earlier. Nothing could be more flavorful, more balanced, more decadent than this trio. As a bonus, Incubator’s beige carpet holds this meal’s pinkish red shade well. The porous fibers soak it all in and create a lovely shade of blood red, perfect for early Halloween decorating!”



Dinner: Organic Baby Spinach, Blueberry and Golden Pear Puree on a Bed of Steel Cut Oats

3 out of 5 stars


“BORING. Wombmate and I love pears, blueberries, spinach and oats, but together? BLECK. We half-heartedly ate teeny bites of this off of Incubator’s “airplane” spoon while picking our noses, punching each other and rubbing our feet in the serving bowl. Entertainment is lacking, so if a fun-filled atmosphere is what you’re looking for, keep on looking. The proprietors, Incubator and Beard, are a testy lot and prone to fits of reserved irritation, often demanding the patrons “eat the *&%$^ food already.”



Dinner: Steamed Chicken Mousse in a Succulent Tarragon Parsley Pan Sauce w/a Side of Baked Sweet Potato

0 out of 5 stars


“WHAT.THE.HELL. I’d rather starve.”



Dinner: Baked Sweet Potato Mixed with Savory Butternut Squash and Pitted Washington Cherries

4 out of 5 stars


“Great! Incubator spent a whole 2 hours making this meal including pitting the “damn” cherries (as she said), cubing and baking the squash. The final result is a mild, ultimately benign offering that is mildly sweet with a slight tangy undertone. Would recommend on cool, early Fall days.”




Dinner: Zuccihini, Sweet Corn and Pear Puree

0 out of 5 stars


“Who in God’s name would eat this slop? I was so disgusted, I had to pass the dinner hour by spitting bits of the corn at Wombmate. Beard and Incubator seemed oblivious so I upped my feedback game by repeatedly arching my back and slamming my feet into the highchair table while screaming as if my esophagus were on fire. I do not want any confusion, so let me be clear, this meal was pure crap. I would not wish it upon my worst enemy.”



Dinner: Pitted Washington Cherries, Vanilla Almond Milk and Chia Seed Pudding

5 out of 5 stars


“What a time to be alive! I LOVE pudding! I love the way it squelches between my fingers, I love the way it smooshes into my ear canal, I love the soft “splat” noise it makes as it flies from my throwing hand onto Beard’s glasses. I love the soft, bumpy texture of the chia seeds. This is pink perfection!”



Dinner: Free Range, Vegetarian Fed, Hormone Free Scrambled Eggs w/ Aged, Sharp Cheddar

5 out of 5 stars
“Fantastic! Wombmate and I loved this delicacy! Incubator said something about us, of course, liking 5 dollar eggs, but one cannot put a price on a discerning palette. My taste buds sparked and fired as the tart cheese melded with the mild eggs to create a delicious taste sensation. One note of caution, this meal is better eaten from someone else’s spoon, tray or bowl. Your own serving will never be as good. It’s science.”



Dinner: Free Range, Vegetarian Fed, Hormone Free Scrambled Eggs w/ Aged, Sharp Cheddar, Round Two

1 out of 5 stars


“Dislike. What a loathsome excuse for a meal. Boring, overrated and typical of the post-industrial bourgeois family. I enjoyed the dried bit of mango, or possibly dog food, I found under the couch more than this lame meal.”



Dinner: Vine-ripened Blackberry and Golden Pear Puree Over a Bed of Organic, Pesticide Free Baby Spinach

4 out of 5 stars


“Delicate, sweet and tasty. On a related note, the atmosphere was less than desirable. Patrons can barely take a bite without Portly Pug mauling everyone for the leftovers.”



Dinner: Turkey, Purple Parsnips and Cauliflower Puree

0 out 5 stars


“You cannot be serious.”



Dinner: Sweet Potato Fries, Small Bits of Nacho Beef

5 out of 5 stars





Dinner: Wheat Bread Cubes, Baked Sweet Potatoes, Organic Carrot and Pesticide Free Cuban Banana Puree

5 out of 5 stars


“BRAVO!! The sugary bananas prepped my taste buds for the soft gumminess of the bread and succulent flavor of a root vegetable in full bloom. I could eat this meal 3x a day for the rest of my natural life. Well done, Incubator, well done!”



Dinner: Wheat Bread Cubes, Baked Sweet Potatoes, Organic Carrot and Pesticide Free Cuban Banana Puree, Round Two

1 out of 5 stars


“The bread is dry and cumbersome to chew. The carrots are bland. The bananas are slimy and lacking in complex flavors. Beard was annoyed Wombmate and I ate our meal in rounds but I was annoyed he offered us such plain food. I sat down to this supper hoping to taste the flavors of the world. Instead, I got the crumbs of a ghost town.”


Dinner: Summer Yellow Squash, Mashed Sweet Potato and Pink Lady Apple Puree

3 out of 5 stars

 “Marginal. This meal was tolerable but lacking in innovation and creativity. Though Wombmate and I begat eating it with gusto, our excitement soon fizzled and we barely choked the remaining bits down our gullets to appease Incubator.”

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